Archive for the ‘Cheeseball Cinema’ Category

TV isolated vintageI have always been a fan of the Puppet Master series ever since I was a prepubescent teen and that was because I always thought the puppets were bad ass. Needless to say, I was surprised when I was cruising through the Shudder app and I stumbled upon Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich which is the 14TH film in the franchise and takes place apparently in an alternate universe. The film stars legendary b-movie horror king Udo Kier (Flesh For Frankenstein) as Puppet maker Andre Toulon who causes a little troube with his puppets and gets killed. Fast forward years later and we stumble on Edgar Easton (Thomas Lennon), a comic book writer who is forced to move back to his parents house, but he makes a discovery. A puppet (Blade) he received as a child could be worth a lot of money and along with his boss and girlfriend they book a trip to an anniversary convention of Toulon’s death to try and sell the puppet, but they may be in for the convention of their lives. The film also stars Jenny Pellicer (Cocaine Godmother) as Ashley, Nelson Franklin (The Office) as Markowitz, Charlyne Yi (Knocked Up) as Nerissa, Michael Paré (Gone) as Detective Brown, Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator) as Officer Doreski, Skeeta Jenkins (Mismanaged) as Cuddly Bear, and the film was directed by Sonny Laguna and Tommy Wiklund (Wither).

TV isolated vintageOne of the first things I want to talk about is just some of the wacky crazy stuff that happens in this film from the mistakes to what was good bout the film. There were a lot of noticeable things in the film from the couple who gets burned to death by Torch you can tell are not real, but dummies all the way to the guy in the bathroom that gets his head decapitated into the toilet as he continues to pee on it. The only problem is that when his body hits the floor his pants are zippered shut and I am pretty sure his penis did not get chopped off in that scene. Like any great or cheesy horror film before it, it features some nudity in it from Kennedy Summers and Jenny Pellicer in the film so it fills that requirement of a Cheeseball Cinema film. I thought Thomas Lennon did a pretty good job and I applaud him for wanting to do something other than comedy, but I was expecting his Reno 911 character the whole time which I admit was unfair. Some of the deaths scenes in the film and the way in which characters died felt too rushed for me. A lot of it just felt too rushed at times and it showed throughout the film. It was definitely a fun watch for one time, but this is definitely one that I probably won’t be checking out again. On a scale of one being an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give it a 3.5 for a final grade.

Kennedy Summers and Jenny Pellicer

TV isolated vintageThere are films in this world that were tailor made for Cheeseball Cinema to the point that you just look at the title and you know. For example, various films from Troma Entertainment are Cheeseball Cinema worthy and anything that has the two words Killer Tomatoes attached to it, is as well. That is why for today I decided to check out the third film in the series entitled Killer Tomatoes Strike Back! and it was a VHS copy of the film. The film stars Rick Rockwell (Return Of The Killer Tomatoes!) as Detective Lance Boyle, who is having a very hard time believing that there is a such thing as killer tomatoes. That is until he is assigned to work with tomato scientist Kennedi Johnson (Crystal Carson) who uncovers an evil plot of the returning Professor Gangreen (John Astin) who is now assuming the role of talk show host Jeronahew as he attempts to brainwash the world. The film also stars J. Stephen Peace (Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes!) as Captain Wilbur Finletter, Steve Lundquist (Earth Girls Are Easy) as Igor, Cal Worthington (Into The Night) as himself, Debi Fares (Killer Tomatoes Eat France!) as Woman Victim, John Witherspoon (Friday) as Evan Rood, Frank Davis (Twins) as Sam Smith, and the film was written and directed by John De Bello (Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes!).

TV isolated vintageI think I was more excited about the fact that this was the very first film I have ever reviewed for Cheeseball Cinema that was watched on VHS. I found this film and the next one at my local thrift store and I couldn’t help myself as I had to own them both. Anytime, I am out in public, I am always thinking about you guys when I look at films and this was one film that fit the Cheeseball Cinema criteria well. For those of you that want nudity or T&A as I like to call it can forget that because there is a brief tease, but nothing else. The film definitely felt more like a spoof film of what was going on at the time with all the QVC like infomercials and the popularity of shows like Donahue and Geraldo in 1991. I also honestly believe that is what worked the most with this film is that they didn’t take themselves too seriously. They knew they had a ridiculous idea and they just had fun with it and that shows in the film. It is actually what made the film enjoyable with it’s Naked Gun like exaggerations of typical horror movie mythos. I definitely enjoyed the look of the tomatoes and the ridiculous Godfather tomato that wouldn’t talk for anything less than $100. The film was a lot of fun to watch and as ridiculous of an idea as it seems, it translated well in this one. I love the end credit post game locker room talk as well that we were provided with. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2.9 for a final grade.

TV isolated vintageI have been in a deep search for new (old to most of your standards) films to watch and review for Cheeseball Cinema and I have stumbled across some that I think you’ll approve of as well. For today’s film, I wanted to check one out from the very sexy Austrian born B-Movie Queen Sybil Danning (Amazon Women On The Moon) who starred in the 1984 crime, horror, thriller They’re Playing With Fire which was written and directed by the late Howard Avedis (The Stepmother). Danning plays college professor Dianne Stevens, a woman who was promised so much by her husband, but his mother and grandmother stand in the way of their happiness. So, Stevens starts a relationship with one of her students in the naive Jay Richard (Eric Brown) who agrees to scare the folks a little, but walks himself right into a murder mystery that has him playing with fire (do you like what I did there?). The film also stars Andrew Prine (The Miracle Worker) as Michael Stevens, Paul Clemens (The Beast Within) as Martin, K.T. Stevens (Kitty Foyle) as Lillian Stevens, Gene Bicknell (The Warriors) as George Johnson, Dominick Brascia (Friday The 13TH: A New Beginning) as Glenn, Greg Kaye (Mortuary) as Dale, and Suzanne Kennedy (Waitress!) as Janice.

TV isolated vintageOne of my biggest complaints with the film rests entirely on the writing department because I felt as though that they were confused at times as to what kind of a film did they want to make. It has all the elements of a horror, crime, and a thriller, but the execution was where it went wrong in my opinion. I loved the crime, thriller aspect of the film because that actually made it an interesting story, but it kind of went flat for me as soon as they threw in the horror aspect of it. The story starts off and you think poor Jay is being used by this couple and when the subjects are murdered, it looks like its going to become this story of how is Jay going to prove that he’s innocent? Yeah, it didn’t exactly go in that direction which I was fine with, but at the last minute (Spoiler Alert!!!) they give you this story of another son that you don’t know about. The kills in this film are just awful as it seems like they had no money in the budget for good special effects which I feel bad because the actors put on one heck of a show. That was the actual strong point of the film was the acting, but if there was one part I could get rid of, it would be the fact that Jay is asking the dumbest questions during his first encounter with the beautiful Sybil Danning who was breathtaking in this film and she has no problem letting it all out. I only have one more complaint and that is Martin should have had a better fight in the film then he did since he was our killer, but whatever I can deal with it. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2 only because the acting saved it from further scrutiny.

Sybil Danning Theyre Playing With Fire

TV isolated vintageI had been longing to see another cheesy film for Cheeseball Cinema, but there is always that one question that lingers. Is this film going to be cheesy enough to even be worthy of being a cheeseball cinema film? It’s definitely one of the hardest questions I have to ask myself and I certainly did that before I chose today’s film. The film that I chose for today I happened to come across when I was searching endlessly on Youtube. The title of the film definitely grabbed my attention so I turned to my trusty sidekick IMDB for some advice and that is when I decided to go with 1989’s Hell High. One day against her mother’s wishes, little Miss Brooke Storm decided to go play by the swamps as she always did, but that very day saw life taken away from two teenagers thanks to Miss Storm. Almost two decades later and the deaths still haunt Brooke (Maureen Mooney), but four teenagers are about to learn that she is not one teacher to mess with when she goes berserk after they harass her. The film also stars Christopher Stryker (Welcome Back, Kotter) as Dickens, Christopher Cousins (Breaking Bad) as Jon-Jon, Millie Prezioso (Jukebox) as Queenie, Jason Brill (Cracking Up) as Smiler, Kathryn Rossetter (Fearless) as Coach Sandy, J.R. Horne (Burn After Reading) as Coach Heaton, and the film was directed by Douglas Grossman (Up The Creek).

TV isolated vintageWhere to start when it comers to this film and it’s so hard not to notice all of it’s faults because there are a lot. One of the pluses of the film I suppose was definitely the sinister attitude of the film’s antagonist Dickens who was played by Stryker who would die of AIDS after he had made the film. He did a great job playing a creep, but the logic of why he did what he did was just totally out of whack because the writing was terrible. They travel to her house, they play a prank on her and she has no idea who did it. They run away, but instead of making a clear run for it, they decide to turn back for more. When they assume she is dead, instead of being careful with DNA evidence, they contaminate the whole scene which is the opposite of what they were actually trying to do. The real action comes towards the end of the film and even that lacks a bit of originality and any great special effects. For those of you that love it, there is one scene where Maureen Mooney is showering and just massaging her breasts is well… you get it. The sequence in the beginning was way too long for my liking and could have been cut down tremendously, but the acting in the film could have been a game saver for the film, but only three of the actors are worth mentioning. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I would have to give this one a 3.5 just based on how bad it was.

Maureen Mooney

hell high poster

TV isolated vintageI am always looking for new and unique films that I may never had heard of that comes up on my radar. I’ve discovered a lot of different types of films from the good ones to the bad ones and everything in between. One actor that I have always enjoyed watching whether it be in Ski School 2, Summer School, Men At Work, etc. has been the one and only Dean Cameron. So, when I was looking at potential titles to watch, I came across the film Rockula which was released in 1990 and was written and directed by Luca Bercovici (Ghoulies) and stars Cameron as the vampire named Ralph. You see, Ralph has a bit of a dilemma on his hands and has since the 16TH century. Every 22 years, a girl named Mona (Tawny Fere) comes into Ralph’s life and on Halloween gets killed every time by a pirate with a peg leg and a ham bone unless Ralph stops him (which by 1990 he certainly hasn’t). Now, it’s 1990 and Ralph has to do something to stop the trend, but will he man up? The film also stars Toni Basil (Easy Rider) as Phoebe, Thomas Dolby (Howard The Duck) as Stanley, Susan Tyrrell (Cry Baby) as Chuck The Bartender, Bo Diddley (Trading Places) as Axman, Tony Cox (Bad Santa) as Big Al, Greg Rusin (Hard Time On Planet Earth) as Elmo, and Nancye Ferguson (Mystery Men) as Robin.

TV isolated vintageIf you were not sold by the description of the film then I don’t know what will sell you because this film is priceless. Now, I will say that if you are looking for genuine cheeseball cinema T&A then you started watching the wrong film because it does not exist in this film. The film certainly could have been enhanced a tiny bit by it, but it wasn’t necessary to have. The film was certainly creating it’s own cheesy moments with all those fun musical numbers that I had to sit through including one of Dean Cameron rapping about how he is a vampire. The film was definitely trying to take advantage of the boom of hip hop/rap in 1990 by having it mixed in the film, but it reminded me of everything that was wrong with Vanilla Ice and Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch which is what made that era so cheesy in the first place. There’s one inconsistency with the film and it’s when Ralph is showing Mona pics of her from the past. He mentions that one pic was from 1918 and I did the math with 22 years and it doesn’t line up with 1990. Other than that, it’s filled with plenty of cheesiness from Thomas Dolby who plays the antagonist in the film and there is a very big reveal at the end of the film that I figured out with the last 15 to 20 minutes left of the film, but you’ll have to see for yourself. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2.7 for a final grade. Sure, the dance and musical numbers were cheesy, but hey it was 1990 what else do you expect?

TV isolated vintageI once again tried to follow a certain formula in choosing this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film which is when searching for a film that is going to be cheesy enough for Cheeseball Cinema usually you are looking for whether or not the film has bad acting in it. Sometimes a lot of T&A in a film is usually a good sign of a cheesy film. Sometimes, a horror, a comedy, or a combination of both is a good sign of one as well. So, I thought I would turn to the TromaNow App for today’s film which is entitled Rana: The Legend Of Shadow Lake (original title: Croaked: The Monster From Frog Lake). The film follows Kelly (Glenn Scherer) who tells his girlfriend  about an experience he had at Shadow Lake when he was a child that involved a creature from the sea. The film also stars Brad Ellingson as Kelly Jr., Karen McDiarmid (Shining Spirit: The Musical Journey of Jamyang Yeshi) as Elli, Alan Ross (The Demons Of Ludlow) as John, Julie Wheaton as Susan, Jerry Gregoris (Bozo) as Charlie, Bruno Alexander (Red Heat) as Cal, Jim Iaquinta (The Game) as Burley, Michael Skewes (The Fugitive) as Mike, Paul Callaway and Richard Lange as The Rana, and the film was directed by Bill Rebane (Monster a-Go Go).

TV isolated vintageBesides the fact that this film was an obvious tribute to The Creature From The Black Lagoon, it was a actually one heck of an awesome grade Z film. Was the film’s story well written? Well no, but that is the point of it being a grade z film that even though it’s not an academy award worthy film, it was still entertaining. It had a classiness that the original Creature film had that was absolutely no T&A in the film at all other than the fact that Kelly’s girlfriend teases you throughout. Nonetheless, some of the acting in the film is pretty terrible and the Rana looks like the dollar store version of the Creature costume. Like if you your mom asked what do you want to be for Halloween and you said the Creature From The Black Lagoon and she looked at this and said it’s good enough. I dug the costume anyways even if it’s not the Ben Cooper version.  I just wish that we saw more of him then we did because even when he did reveal himself it was brief. Spoiler Alert: turn away if you don’t want to know these next details. The only thing I also did understand is how in the hell did the baby Rana stay in that egg embryo ooze looking thing as long as he did if Kelly killed the original Rana when he was 12? That is a very long time to be incubating especially when the mama is dead from a gun shot wound that happened at least twenty years (or less) before. Other than that, it was actually a good watch even if it is only once. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give it a 3.5 for a final grade.

TV isolated vintageSometimes when searching for certain films to watch for a particular segment, it is often hard to gauge how a film will fit to the mold you have set. Often when searching for a film that is going to be cheesy enough for Cheeseball Cinema usually you are looking for whether or not the film has bad acting in it. Sometimes a lot of T&A in a film is usually a good sign of a cheesy film. Sometimes, a horror, a comedy, or a combination of both is a good sign of one as well. I definitely took a chance with today’s film Witchcraft which I am not sure about it’s ties to Troma, but it’s featured on their streaming service. The film follows Grace (Anat Topol) who has just had a baby, but suffered from some weird visions of a couple getting burned alive at the stake in the 1600’s. When her husband brings her and the baby to his mothers house, weird visions and occurrences start to haunt poor Grace, but what does it all mean? The film also stars Gary Sloan (Witchcraft II: The Temptress) as John Stocton, Mary Shelley (Witchcraft II: The Temptress) as Elizabeth Stocton, Deborah Scott as Linda, Lee Kissman (Chameleon) as Ellsworth, Alexander Kirkwood (MacGyver) as the Priest, and the film was directed by Rob Spera (Army Wives).

TV isolated vintageIt’s not a surprise to me, but the director is the most successful person from this project which was a little bit of a Rosemary’s Baby knock off. Instead of the woman being pregnant and seeing things, she has already had the baby and she is going crazy. One of the first thoughts in my head when I started watching the film was that it felt like a made for TV film from beginning to end with literally little to no cursing, no T&A (only the insinuation of it), and some of the scene changes made it feel that way. One of the coolest scenes that they do little to explain how he got there was the scene where the priest hung himself. It was out of nowhere and it shocked you, but again no explanation to how he got there. The other cool scene is when here friend Linda gets her head chopped off, but we don’t see by who and it’s never really revealed, but you assume you know who it is. I thought we would get some T&A from Linda, but no dice in this one and that’s OK because the story wasn’t terrible by any means. The acting wasn’t terrible by any means, it just borrowed elements from other films and as I said it’s Rosemary’s Baby but with Witchcraft. There are all kinds of goofs you can find in this one from thew audio of the cutlery not matching in the dinner scene or the scene where you can hear someone walking, but there’s no one in the room other than the two main characters. Take your pick, but I’ll be checking out more from the series soon. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am giving it a 2.5 for a final grade.