Archive for the ‘Cheeseball Cinema’ Category

TV isolated vintageI once again tried to follow a certain formula in choosing this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film which is when searching for a film that is going to be cheesy enough for Cheeseball Cinema usually you are looking for whether or not the film has bad acting in it. Sometimes a lot of T&A in a film is usually a good sign of a cheesy film. Sometimes, a horror, a comedy, or a combination of both is a good sign of one as well. So, I thought I would turn to the TromaNow App for today’s film which is entitled Rana: The Legend Of Shadow Lake (original title: Croaked: The Monster From Frog Lake). The film follows Kelly (Glenn Scherer) who tells his girlfriend  about an experience he had at Shadow Lake when he was a child that involved a creature from the sea. The film also stars Brad Ellingson as Kelly Jr., Karen McDiarmid (Shining Spirit: The Musical Journey of Jamyang Yeshi) as Elli, Alan Ross (The Demons Of Ludlow) as John, Julie Wheaton as Susan, Jerry Gregoris (Bozo) as Charlie, Bruno Alexander (Red Heat) as Cal, Jim Iaquinta (The Game) as Burley, Michael Skewes (The Fugitive) as Mike, Paul Callaway and Richard Lange as The Rana, and the film was directed by Bill Rebane (Monster a-Go Go).

TV isolated vintageBesides the fact that this film was an obvious tribute to The Creature From The Black Lagoon, it was a actually one heck of an awesome grade Z film. Was the film’s story well written? Well no, but that is the point of it being a grade z film that even though it’s not an academy award worthy film, it was still entertaining. It had a classiness that the original Creature film had that was absolutely no T&A in the film at all other than the fact that Kelly’s girlfriend teases you throughout. Nonetheless, some of the acting in the film is pretty terrible and the Rana looks like the dollar store version of the Creature costume. Like if you your mom asked what do you want to be for Halloween and you said the Creature From The Black Lagoon and she looked at this and said it’s good enough. I dug the costume anyways even if it’s not the Ben Cooper version.  I just wish that we saw more of him then we did because even when he did reveal himself it was brief. Spoiler Alert: turn away if you don’t want to know these next details. The only thing I also did understand is how in the hell did the baby Rana stay in that egg embryo ooze looking thing as long as he did if Kelly killed the original Rana when he was 12? That is a very long time to be incubating especially when the mama is dead from a gun shot wound that happened at least twenty years (or less) before. Other than that, it was actually a good watch even if it is only once. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give it a 3.5 for a final grade.

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TV isolated vintageSometimes when searching for certain films to watch for a particular segment, it is often hard to gauge how a film will fit to the mold you have set. Often when searching for a film that is going to be cheesy enough for Cheeseball Cinema usually you are looking for whether or not the film has bad acting in it. Sometimes a lot of T&A in a film is usually a good sign of a cheesy film. Sometimes, a horror, a comedy, or a combination of both is a good sign of one as well. I definitely took a chance with today’s film Witchcraft which I am not sure about it’s ties to Troma, but it’s featured on their streaming service. The film follows Grace (Anat Topol) who has just had a baby, but suffered from some weird visions of a couple getting burned alive at the stake in the 1600’s. When her husband brings her and the baby to his mothers house, weird visions and occurrences start to haunt poor Grace, but what does it all mean? The film also stars Gary Sloan (Witchcraft II: The Temptress) as John Stocton, Mary Shelley (Witchcraft II: The Temptress) as Elizabeth Stocton, Deborah Scott as Linda, Lee Kissman (Chameleon) as Ellsworth, Alexander Kirkwood (MacGyver) as the Priest, and the film was directed by Rob Spera (Army Wives).

TV isolated vintageIt’s not a surprise to me, but the director is the most successful person from this project which was a little bit of a Rosemary’s Baby knock off. Instead of the woman being pregnant and seeing things, she has already had the baby and she is going crazy. One of the first thoughts in my head when I started watching the film was that it felt like a made for TV film from beginning to end with literally little to no cursing, no T&A (only the insinuation of it), and some of the scene changes made it feel that way. One of the coolest scenes that they do little to explain how he got there was the scene where the priest hung himself. It was out of nowhere and it shocked you, but again no explanation to how he got there. The other cool scene is when here friend Linda gets her head chopped off, but we don’t see by who and it’s never really revealed, but you assume you know who it is. I thought we would get some T&A from Linda, but no dice in this one and that’s OK because the story wasn’t terrible by any means. The acting wasn’t terrible by any means, it just borrowed elements from other films and as I said it’s Rosemary’s Baby but with Witchcraft. There are all kinds of goofs you can find in this one from thew audio of the cutlery not matching in the dinner scene or the scene where you can hear someone walking, but there’s no one in the room other than the two main characters. Take your pick, but I’ll be checking out more from the series soon. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am giving it a 2.5 for a final grade.

MV5BODc1ZGQ4YTYtY2RhNS00ZTNiLTkwODUtYWM5NWZhNmE5NmMyL2ltYWdlXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNzc5MjA3OA@@._V1_I don’t know if sadness has overcome me because of the fact that there are no more Confession of a (Window Cleaner (1974), Pop Performer (1975), and From A Holiday Camp (1977)) films to review. I grew quite a liking to the misadventures of our favorite imbecile Timothy Lea (Robin Askwith) and all the schemes his brother in law Sidney (Anthony Booth) come up. For today’s Cheeseball Cinema film, we are looking at Confessions Of A Driving Instructor which sees our favorite duo buy a driving school. In the film however, we immediately find out that they are going to have competition with another school next door in the Truscott school. The school is hoping that Timmy screws up enough that they’ll lose their business, but when the owner Mr. Truscott (Windsor Davies) figures out that they aren’t, he schemes to have Timmy marry his daughter in order to merge and steal the business. Will Timmy fall for it or will the plan fail? The film also stars Sheila White (Oliver!) as Rosie, Liz Fraser (The Avengers) as Mrs. Chalmers, Irene Handl (The Italian Job) as Mrs. Slenderpants, George Layton (Doctor In Charge) as Tony, Maxine Casson (Paul Temple) as Avril Chalmers, Chrissy Iddon (Prince Regent) as Lady Snoodle, Suzy Mandel (Come Play With Me) as Mrs. Hargreaves, and the film was directed by Norman Cohen (The Blue Max). 

image-w856If you have seen one Confessions film then you definitely know what you are getting yourself into every time and that is sexy hi-jinx. Although, it seems our main character has better luck in this film then he has had in previous films, but he still has to deal with the same old situations every time as well including a mother and daughter who both want him. The best is that the main story line is that he is competing against a rival driving school that is looking to take them out which then sort of becomes a sidebar to all of the hi-jinx. This was a post that was supposed to come out a while ago, but I procrastinated because I lost some files to complete it. As soon as I found them, It was time to finally finish the post because this may have been one of the best films in the whole series if you ask me. Yes there is plenty of T&A to satisfy any fan of sex comedies, but it was just a fun film to watch overall. There was a lot of good acting and the story was pretty well structured in my opinion. The film even has the menacing Sean Connery like villain and his very annoying sidekick to boot. I am kind of sad that this is the last film from the whole series that I will get to review as I had fun watch all of Timothy’s misadventures. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give Confessions of a Driving Instructor an 2.6 for a final grade.

Confessions Of A Driving Instructor New

TV isolated vintageIt has been a very long time since the last time we did a Cheeseball Cinema post on the blog and while we are preparing the segment for bigger and better things, we wanted to do some more posts. After a little bit of research, I found the perfect film to present to all of you from all the way in 1985 it’s School Spirit. School Spirit stars Tom Nolan (Batman Begins) as Billy Batson, the head of the Hog Society at his college and someone in desperate need of getting laid. One night, Billy heads out to get some condoms so that he could make it with the very beautiful and elusive Judith Hightower (Elizabeth Foxx), but the only problem is that Billy gets in an accident and he dies. When his late Uncle Pinky (John Finnegan) who is an agent in charge of getting spirits to heaven comes to get him, he escapes and tries to make the best of his time left on Earth by trying to get the girl and he only has till midnight. The film also stars Larry Linville (M*A*S*H) as President Grimshaw, Brian Frishman (Savage Streets) as Barducci, Toni Hudson (Just One Of The Guys) as Rita, Leslee Bremmer (Hardbodies) as Sandy, Nick Segal (Chopping Mall) as Gregg, Marta Kober (Friday The 13TH Part 2) as Ursula, Danièle Arnaud (The Women’s Club) as Madeleine, and the film was directed by Alan Holleb (Candy Stripe Nurses).

TV isolated vintageWhen it came to the film, there were definitely aspects of the film that I absolutely loved and then there are aspects that prove why it belongs here. For one, it’s a decent story that we have seen so many times over the years about the desperate virgin who just wants to get laid, but this one adds a twist to it because he’s dead. The one thing I didn’t understand is if he’s dead then how can he make himself whole so that people can touch and feel him? The other thing that I felt was kind of sprung on us was the fact that with almost most of the film already done and Billy Batson wanting to get into Judith’s pants, he all of sudden has a change of heart and falls in love with the French woman. I felt that this was something that could have been explored better right from the half way point. T&A is your thing when it comes to 80’s comedies then there is no need to fear because this film has plenty of it especially at the Hog gathering scene in the latter part of the film. The 1980’s was typical for having string character development for the main character, but there downfall was there was always this character that was just completely useless and that was Brian Frishman’s (Brian Mann at the time) character who had absolutely no worth in the film. You don’t even know if he belongs or goes to college cause he’s just there. One other character that bothered me was Nick Segal’s character who starts off the film as the typical nerdy dickhead who hates the hogs, but as soon as he’s named the new head, he has completely changed his ways which is why I said bad character development.  On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2.5 for a final grade.

School Spirit Babes

My Tutor TheaterSometimes, you check out certain films because they look like they have the potential to be cheesy films based on the fact that it came from the 1980’s. That was definitely the case when I chose to watch today’s film My Tutor which was directed by George Bowers (Private Resort) and it was written by Joe Roberts. The film follows California rich kid Bobby Chrystal (Matt Lattanzi) who has just happened to flunk French on the last day of school. You see, Bobby’s father (Kevin McCarthy) wants his son to follow in his footsteps and attend Yale in the fall. The only problem is that Bobby needed to pass that French test so he decides to hire a French tutor named Terry (Caren Kaye) who will change Bobby’s life for the better, but it’ll be a challenge especially with a kid who has sex and the stars on his mind. The film also stars Crispin Glover (Back To The Future) as Jack, Clark Brandon (Fast Food) as Billy, Bruce Bauer (NYPD Blue) as Don Sylvester, Arlene Golonka (Hang ‘Em High) as Mrs. Chrystal, Amber Denyse Austin (Hunter) as Bonnie, Kitten Natividad (Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens) as Ana Maria, Graem McGavin (Weekend Pass) as Sylvia, John Vargas (Primary Colors) as Manuel, and Maria Melendez (And Baby Makes Six) as Maria.

My Tutor Theater ScreenOne of the obvious selling points of the film is that its an 80’s teen sex comedy that involves scenes where teens are trying to have sex during the film, but they fail causing some funny hi-jinx. The only issue with this film is that it’s actually very well written and very well executed as far as the acting is concerned. It was really hard trying to find something negative about the film to critique for this, but I’ll try my best. There are a lot of beautiful women in this film which can only mean one thing and that is there is plenty of T&A to go around for all of you out there that are fans of that. Believe me I get it, isn’t that why we watch 1980’s American sex comedies and what not. One of the other great things about this film is actually the cinematography as they capture some great shots of the Pacific Coast Highway as well as other spots of California. I will admit that at first, Bobby’s character can be a little annoying, but after a while you just get it. They also give away a certain scenario that will happen at the end of the film involving a girl named Bonnie. It was just a little obvious that she would appear after Bobby gets his mack on and she looks more impressed with him every time. I actually think this is a movie worth checking out so watch it where ever you can find it. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give this film an 1.3 for a final grade.

My Tutor Collage 2

From Top To Bottom Row 1: Kitten Natividad Row 2: Jewel Sheppard & Katt Shea Row 3: Graem McGavin Rows 4 and 5: Caren Kaye

Joysticks 1983 TheaterIt has been a tradition here on Cheeseball Cinema to discover films that the snobs of cinema would discard and throw into the recycling bin. One of my favorite decades of cinema has always been the 1980’s which gave birth to a genre known as the teen sex comedies and we have covered so many of those on here. If it’s cheesy then it’s for us and for today we have one that involves the earliest form of video games in 1983’s Joysticks. The film stars Scott McGinnis (Secret Admirer) as arcade owner Jefferson Bailey who just happens to run the best arcade in town that all the kids come to for a little fun. Well, there is one man in town who doesn’t feel that way and he goes by the name of Joseph Rutter (Joe Don Baker) who wants to shut down the arcade. Will he succeed in doing it or will Jefferson have a plan to keep it open? The film also stars Leif Green (Grease 2) as Eugene, Jim Greenleaf (Evilspeak) as Dorfus, Jon Gries (Napoleon Dynamite) as King Vidian, Corinne Bohrer (Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol) as Patsy Rutter, John Diehl (Stripes) as Arnie, Kym Malin (Road House) as Lola, Kim G. Michel as Alva, Erin Halligan (Wacko) as Sandy, and the film was directed by Greydon Clark (Black Shampoo).

Joysticks 1983 theater sceneFirst things first, I have seen Corinne Bohrer in plenty of films and I have enjoyed what she has brought to the table, but this has to be by far one of the most annoying performances of all time. The only other character to ever annoy me as much when their mouth opes was Jar Jar Binks in Episode 1. I have no idea in the world why she had a valley girl’s accent in the film when no other character did throughout the whole film. Other than that, I actually enjoyed the film and all of it’s dumb 80’s quirkiness like the guy who thought he was Curly from The Three Stooges. Then we get Uncle Rico (Gries) playing a punk rock video game weirdo named King Vidian which helped provide real comic relief throughout the whole film. Besides Joe Don Baker, he was one of the true villains of the film and he was awesome. My other favorite thing about this film is the pairing of John Diehl and John Voldstad who played his cousin Max. These two played the roles of the bumbling idiots that your villain needs to blame when things go wrong. One thing that is for sure with this film is that there is plenty of T&A in the film from mud wrestling fun, Jacuzzi in a van, strip video arcade, and so much more. There is some cheesy scenes in the film, but its not that bad of film in reality. It represents a time when society was still being tough on kids and it’s not surprising that video game arcades were an issue back then. Anything that keeps kids occupied and away from home is a bad thing to society. Check it out for yourselves where ever you can find it. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2.9 for a final grade.

Joysticks Collage

SHARKNADO 5We have a tradition here at Cheeseball Cinema and that is we never miss an opportunity to review a Sharknado film. We have at one point reviewed every single Sharknado movie up to date except for one. Every time this film airs, I manage to not be anywhere near a television to catch it when it premieres so that is why I rely on Netflix to give it to me so that I can review it. In this one, Fin (Ian Ziering), April (Tara Reid), and now a little older Gil (Billy Barratt) are in the UK for a meeting on how to better prepared for another attack. Unfortunately, Finn gets called to Stonehenge thanks to Nova (Cassandra Scerbo) where they discover that these attacks have happened before in history, but after stealing a stone from it’s hiding spot, it causes one of the most deadliest Sharknados ever and it engulfs poor little Gil who they have to attempt to rescue before it’s too late. The film also stars Chris Kattan (A Night At The Roxbury) as Prime Minister, Samantha Fox (Three Kinds Of Heat) as Ms Moore, but you can’t forget the special cameos made by Charo as the Queen, Fabio as the pope, Downtown Julie Brown, Bret Michaels, Olivia Newton-John, Tony Hawk, Greg Louganis, Tiffany Pollard, John Morrison, Bai Ling, Geraldo Rivera, The Today Show, Good Morning Britain, and the film was directed by Anthony C. Ferrante (Boo).

Sharknado theater sceneNothing much changes from film to film because it’s the same old overacting from some of them and more bad acting from the now almost completely robotic Tara Reid. Hwer character is practically just a cyborg which might explain why she’s not good at showing emotion. She has the same look on her face when Thomas Ian Nichols was explaining how much he loved her in American Pie as to losing her son in this one. I thought making Fabio the pope was a little ballsy while Bret Michaels looked like he was having fun being stuck to a bus while also getting eaten by a shark eventually. Cassandra Scerbo is the only one that showed some acting skills towards the end of the film as they were starting to (SPOILER ALERT) kill everyone off. Then we get a surprise at the end of the film that could mean more Sharknado films as they mocked Back To The Future as well as Bond films, Godzilla, and even Indiana Jones. Listen we all know that the film is all about having fun we cause we know that its a cheesy film and nothing else. So you have to go into this just to sit back, relax, and have fun because it’s going to be one interesting ride.  They went all out with this one where we travel the globe from London to Australia, Japan, Egypt, and even Brazil. It’s awesome having an imagination. On a scale of one ebing close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give this one an 4.6 for a final grade.