Archive for the ‘Cheeseball Cinema’ Category

sharknado-4It seems to be a tradition every year now on the SYFY channel when a Sharknado movie comes around and it seems to be something we cover for Cheeseball Cinema too. It’s also been a while since the last time we covered a Cheeseball Cinema film so to get us back in the swing of things, we decided to watch Sharknado 4: The 4TH Awakens. To get you up to speed, it has been five years since the last Sharknado attacks and Finn (Ian Ziering) has been living the quite life with his mother (Cheryl Tiegs) and his son Gill (Chris and Nicholas Stone), but no April (Tara Reid). Finn believes that she has passed away after being in a coma for four years, but is surprised to see her when a new Sharknado of sorts decides to touch down in Las Vegas. As it morphs into all different kinds of Tornados (sandnado, bouldernado, Lavanado, etc.) Finn has to try and save his family before it’s too late. The film stars David Hasselhoff (Baywatch) as Col. Gilbert Shepard, Cody Linley (Hoot) as Matt Shepard, Ryan Newman (Monster House) as Claudia Shepard, and Masiela Lusha (George Lopez) as Gemini. The film of course features tons of cameos from the likes of Corey Taylor, Seth Rollins, Gary Busey, Dr. Drew, Wayne Newton, Vince Neil, Carrot Top, Tommy Davidson, Caroline Williams, Dan Yeager, Dog The Bounty Hunter, Steve Guttenberg, and so many more.

sharkando-2This continues to be some of the cheesiest crap that is thrown on TV, but you know what they have are a ton of fun doing it. It has become quite the phenomenon when you try to figure out what insane stunts are they going to pull or who in the hell is going to make a cameo in this film. The material also just gets cheesier and cheesier as the series rolls on with April being put back together, but she can now remove her hand and use the force to summon a lightsaber out of it. Oh yeah, there’s also the fact that they pay homage in this film not only to Star Wars with references, but they also do it with Christine, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and even the Wizard Of Oz. There’s also the fact that this Sharknado changes forms every time it runs into something and they get a tiny bit creative with it. Some of the dramatic attempts for scenes is just too corny and laughable. As I said before though, they look like they are having a ton of fun with it and it is fun to watch as well. The film when it concludes, it sets up the very next film in the series and I will definitely look forward to that. So, if you like over the top action, over achieving on your acting, and just some cheesy wholesome family fun then look no further because Sharknado is here to make your day. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I would have to give this film an 4.5 for a final grade.

samson-vs-the-vampire-womenIt’s been a while since I did a Cheeseball cinema film and I figured with my 365 Movies in 365 days challenge almost coming to an end that I would try to fit one in. A couple of weeks ago, Chris Jericho posted something on Instagram about a legendary Mexican wrestler by the name of Santo and when i looked him up, he was basically a superhero. I also saw that Mystery Science Theater 3000 also covered today’s film (and that’s good enough for Cheeseball Cinema) which is known in America as Santo Versus The Vampire Women (in Mexico as Santo vs. las mujeres vampiro and the alternate name Samson Vs The Vampire Women). Professor Orlof (Augusto Benedico) is worried about a prophecy that says that his only daughter Diana (María Duval) will be the next Vampire queen. He learns that the prophecy is coming to life when a vampire by the name of Tundra (Ofelia Montesco) is on the hunt for her along with her henchman. So, the professor hires Santo to try and prevent the prophecy from coming true. The film also stars Jaime Fernandez (A Bullet For The General) as Inspector Carlos, Lorena Velázquez (Doctor Of Doom) as Zorina, queen of the vampires, Xavier Loyá (A Woman Without Love) as Jorge, and the film was directed by Alfonso Corona Blake (The Road Of Life).

santoI swear you watch these films to see just how cheesy they really are and this one definitely has it’s moments. If I was to talk to you about wrestling, I would compare this film to a wrestling film meets vampires. Santo is the face (good guy) of the film while Tundra and her three henchman (Fernando Osés, Guillermo Hernández, and Nathanael León) are the heels of the film. Tundra is basically their manager and they do her dirty work for her which is very typical of wrestling back then. It was also typical that they would get the face good, but he would eventually overcome and defeat the heels and save the day. The whole film plays out like that and we even get some wrestling matches as well. There is only one match that is worth watching and it’s the last one he has in the film, but you can see the beginnings of Lucha Libre wrestling in the film for sure. The cheesy parts of the film are like the bats that are obviously on strings or how the crowd can be heard chanting Santo at one point before they are dubbed to be saying Samson. I also loved how one Vampire tries to fly away, but as soon as he sees the cross on a building, he burns right up. The story is classic, but there are plenty of things to poke fun of in the film for sure. There’s no T&A here, but there is plenty of beautiful women as vampires in it. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I would have to give this one a 3 for a final grade because I did enjoy it (that’s cause I love cheesy films). 

sharktopusIt is shark week on television which can only mean one thing for cheeseball cinema and that is we too are observing shark week. The film I chose for today was the film that came to SYFY before Sharknado, that’s right it’s Sharktopus. What happens when you combine a shark with an Octopus, you get S11 which is a creature that is half shark and half octopus that was created by a group for the US Navy. The only problem is that the device that keeps it from killing innocent people has been damaged and now the creature is on the attack. Nathan Sands (Eric Robert), the man responsible for S11 now has to hire a mercenary by the name of Flynn (Kerem Bursin) to try and capture the creature before he does too much damage. The film also stars Sara Malakul Lane (Jailbait) as Nicole Sands, Héctor Jiménez (Nacho Libre) as Bones, Liv Boughn (Dinoshark) as Stacy Everheart, Julian Gonzalez Esparza (All My Life) as Santos, Blake Lindsey (Bach From The Dead) as Pez, Shandi Finnessey (Miss USA) as Stephie, Ralph Garman (A Million Ways To Die In The West) as Captain Jack, and the film was directed by Declan O’Brien (Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead).

SHARKTOPUSThere are films in the world that you see that are just so terrible that they are not fun to watch and then there are films that are terrible that are fun to watch. This is definitely one of those films that is so bad that it’s good and I am not surprised with Roger Corman as the producer of the film. Roger Corman is well known for his creature features and he started this crazy game on SYFY with Sharktopus before Sharknado. The CGI on the Sharktopus is just really obvious the whole entire film and what is funny is seeing the actors having to react like they were being grabbed by him. I didn’t have a problem with the sharktopus or it’s design, just too obvious that it was CGI which may have made it more fun. The other thing that made this movie great was the combination of bad acting combined with overacting and Eric Roberts. After a run in The Dark Knight trilogy, it’s still awesome to see that he is getting work. He does an amazing job being Eric Roberts which you can interpret for yourself at a later time or after you have seen this. Some of the overacting credits also go to Kerem Bursin, the mercenary, who just overacts int he film big time.There are some homages paid during the film like the chum scene which is them paying tribute to Jaws. It’s a TV movie so you can’t expect to see any nudity, but there are plenty of great looking women in the film and what is up with Mexico always being the spot where these creatures go? I’ve noticed that in a lot of B-Movie creature features that a lot of them take place in Mexico, why is that? Anyways, this is one of those films that is so bad that it’s fun to watch. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am giving the film an 4.3 on the scale.

ticksSo, it’s been a couple of weeks since the last Cheeseball Cinema film and I figured with some of the new apps I have, it would give me a chance to see some different films. For today’s film, I was in the mood for a cheesy horror film and I found one in the 1993 film Ticks. Seth Green (Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me) stars as troubled teen Tyler Burns who has a little bit of an anxiety issue. You see Tyler’s dad thinks it’s a good idea for him to get some therapy with a wilderness therapy group for the weekend. The only problem is that where this group heads off to has a little bit of a problem. You see the dope crop farmers in the area are using a steroid to make the weed grow faster, but in turn it mixes with some ticks and makes them bigger than usual. Now the group has to survive this giant killer tick infestation before they are consumed. The film also stars Amy Dolenz (Witchboard 2) as Dee Dee, Rosalind Allen (Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult) as Holly, Virginya Keehne (The Dentist) as Melissa, Ray Oriel (Blood For Blood) as Rome, Alfonso Ribeiro (The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air) as Panic, Clint Howard (Apollo 13) as Jarvis, Peter Scolari (Camp Nowhere) as Charles, Rance Howard (Chinatown) as Sheriff Parker, and the film was directed by Tony Randel (Hellbound: Hellraiser II).

ticks 2I have to start this one off by saying that this is probably the better of the cheesy monster insect movies I have seen for Cheeseball Cinema. I know Halloween is officially 148 days away from now, but I just couldn’t wait which is why I chose a horror film to watch. What is cheesy about the film you ask then, well try to imagine Alfonso Ribeiro as a tough inner city kid from LA and not the rich kid Carlton from Bel-Air. That was a real challenge for me even though I thought he did a decent job. I was just expecting him to break out the Carlton dance the whole time. The ticks were actually pretty impressive looking in my opinion even though some times you could tell they were being thrown around. One of the coolest scenes in the film comes toward the end when you see a giant tick rupture out of someone’s body which was visually impressive. The only thing about this film is that there is no T&A at all, but we get teased by the beautiful Amy Dolenz. There were a couple of cheesy parts which mostly came when the film’s other antagonists came along. Those were really the only times that the film became cheesy besides the opening sequence with Green and Ribeiro. Other than that, this was pretty decent like I said before. You can check it out right now on the Showtime Anytime app. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2.2 for a final grade.

hotsI was searching far and wide for this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film and with the power of Youtube I found one. So for this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I chose the 1979 comedy H.O.T.S. which follows a group of college girls who start their own sorority. You see for Honey Shayne (Susan Kiger), O’Hara (Lisa London), Teri Lynn (Pamela Jean Bryant), and Sam (Kimberly Cameron), all they wanted was to be accepted into the lead sorority at their college, but the snobby Melody Ragmore (Lindsay Bloom) made sure they didn’t so they decide to get revenge. With wild and zany antics, robots, and some crooks looking for stolen money, the film gets wild and crazy. The film also stars Mary Steelsmith (Weird Science) as Clutz, Angela Aames (Chopping Mall) as Boom-Boom Bangs, Marjorie Andrade (Open Fire) as Conchita, Cece Bullard (Better Late Than Never) as Debbie, Karen Smith (Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls) as Candi, Robyn Martin (Ladies Night) as Brandi, K.C. Winkler (Night Shift) as Cynthia, Sandy Johnson (Halloween) as Stephanie, Danny Bonaduce (The Partridge Family) as Richie, David Gibbs (The Killing Zone) as Macho Man, Donald Petrie (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days) as Doug, and the film was directed by Gerald Seth Sindell. 

vlcsnap95260bc5.5818Interesting is a word I can best use to describe what I thought about most of the film while boredom is a state that I went into after a little while. If you’ve seen one sorority sex crazed comedy then you’ve seen them all and that was certainly the problem with most of this film. While there were parts that were funny and creative, there was just way too many that you thought were boring. The is about 105 minutes long with what I think they could have cut about ten minutes or so off of that and I would have been satisfied. If you are crazy for T&A, this is an exploitation film after all which means there is a lot of it and there is an amazing shot of a lot of them in one frame. For most of the film, I was actually entertained with some of the wild antics that were going on like stealing a couple’s clothes out of their van and then taping it shut while towing it as well. As far as how it compares to some of the other films I have seen for Cheeseball Cinema, it’s quite entertaining especially with scenes that involve the bear or the seal. Like I said, it’s an exploitation films so you have to take it or leave it because you know exactly what you are getting with these films. Loads of women who love to undress for a chance at super stardom and bad acting (well not all of the time, but most). A couple of cool facts is that Danny Bonaduce stars in this and how young does he look and Judith Myers (Sandy Johnson) who gets killed in the opening moments of Halloween is in this film. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 3.8 for a final grade.

The Girls Of HOTS

jocksFor this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I tried to search for the right film to follow up the ones we had before and thanks to IMDB I found one. This weeks film is called Jocks and it was released in 1986 by Crown International Pictures. Colleges all across American have becomes obsessed with the idea of their athletic teams winning championships that there are constantly weighing out what sport works and what doesn’t. For Los Angeles College, they are having the same problem and their athletic director Coach Beetlebom (R.G. Armstrong) has to make the difficult decision. He decides that he wants to cut the Tennis program, but their president is against it cause they’re winners. So, he gives the coach of the tennis program (Richard Roundtree) an ultimatum, win or the program gets cut for good. The film also stars Perry Lang (Men Of War) as Jeff, Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) as Nicole, Stoney Jackson (Angels In The Outfield) as Andy, Adam Mills (Only You) as Tex, Trinidad Silva (The Jerk) as Chito, Donald Gibb (Revenge Of The Nerds) as Ripper, Christopher Murphy (Valley Girl) as Tony, Scott Strader (The Karate Kid) as The Kid, Christopher Lee (The Man With The Golden Gun) as President White, and the film was directed by Steve Carver (An Eye For An Eye).

Jocks GirlsAs far as all of the 80’s comedies that I have ever seen, this is actually pretty good for one I had never heard of. Like yesterdays film, there was an actress I didn’t even recognize at first and it turned out to be Mariska Hargitay, my favorite cast member of Law & Order: SVU. She looks incredible sexy in this film and in one certain scene, but you’ll have to see it for yourself. As far as the T&A department goes in this film, there isn’t a whole lot of it so you have to cherish it when it comes on screen. The film really did have it’s moments when it was really funny especially during the scenes when they were actually competing in the tennis matches. For me that is where the true gold is because most of the film involves the team partying and while there are funny moments here and there, its just not enough. Donald Gibb goes from playing Ogre, a nerd hating machine to Ripper, the tennis killing machine. It was cool to have him in the film because it just made it more strange. You can tell from watching this that they tried to make a legit comedy hit with the film then make some cheeseball film. The only thing I’ll say is that the writing of the film could’ve been a lot better only because it lacked in some areas like the romance between Hargitay and Strader. The whole film, she hasn’t committed to him, but all of a sudden she’s half naked in another scene with him. That is the only downfall with the whole film in my opinion. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give this film an 2.3 for a final grade.

hardbodies 2So last week we watched the film Hardbodies for Cheeseball Cinema and we were pleasantly surprised at how good the film really was. So, for this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, we decided to watch the sequel Hardbodies 2. The film stars Brad Zutaut (Back To School) as Scotty Palmer who is now a big shot actor. It seems as if Scotty has it all from a budding career and a high maintenance fiance. But one day while on the set of the movie he is filming in Greece, Scotty meets the girl of his dreams in Cleo (Fabiana Udenio) and he decides to rethink his life and what is important. The only problem is that there are people that are standing in his way like the jealous step-dad and the pain in the you know what hot shot co-star. The film also stars James Karen (Return Of The Living Dead) as Logan, Louise Baker (A Cry In The Wild) as Cookie, Sam Temeles (Working Tra$h) as Rags, Brenda Bakke (Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight) as Morgan, Roberta Collins (Death Race 2000) as Lana Logan, Sorrells Pickard (Hardbodies) as Carlton Ashby, Robert Rhine (Knock Outs) as Montino, and the film was directed by Mark Griffiths (Hardbodies).

The Girls Of Hardbodies 2Alright now as far as the quality between the two films is concerned, the first film is still the better film. The structure of the first film was definitely better than this one even though this had it strong moments. As far as T&A is concerned, there is so much of it in this film that it was hard to find a scene that didn’t have it one way or another. It was almost a little much even though that is a mouthful to say. I kept looking at the character of Morgan (Bakke) and I wondered where have I seen this woman before and then it dawned on me as soon as I saw that Hot Shots: Part Deux was one of her credits. Also, how can I forget the beautiful Fabiana Udenio who just steals our hearts right when she steps on screen. If you don’t remember her, just re-watch the first Austin Powers film and you’ll know exactly who she is (she was also in one of my favorite 80’s movies in Summer School). There are some moments in the film when you notice that they probably didn’t have a lot of money to film this with the obvious fake rats and that shot of the plane flying in the sky at the end of the movie. That my friends was Cheeseball Cinema worthy of a shot and that is why we love these films. The acting for the most part was pretty good with a few exceptions here and there, but not bad at all. With that being said it is time to grade the film. On a scale of one being close to an A-list Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to have to give the film an 3.1 for a final grade.