Posts Tagged ‘Kristi Somers’

hardbodiesSince last week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I decided that I should keep going instead of doing it just one time and I have another good one for you guys this week. The name of today’s film is Hardbodies and it’s an 80’s instructional video on how to pick up chicks at a beach. Well, I am just kidding, but the film stars Grant Cramer (Killer Klowns From Outer Space) as Scotty, a hip and cool California beach kid. Three older guys Hunter (Gary Wood), Ashby (Sorrells Pickard), and Rounder (Michael Rapport) are having a hard time picking up ladies. One day, they see Scotty doing it and they want him to teach them the ways of picking up hardbodies (gorgeous beach girls). Everything is going great for all of them until Hunter puts a move on Scotty’s girl Kristi (Teal Roberts). Now he has to teach them a lesson they’ll never forget. The film also stars Courtney Gains (Children Of The Corn) as Rad, Cindy Silver as Kimberly, Kristi Somers (Rumble Fish) as Michelle, Crystal Shaw Martell (Hard Rock Zombies) as Candy, Darcy DeMoss (Can’t Buy Me Love) as Dede, Kane Hodder (Friday The 13TH Part VII) as Older Geek, Kathleen Kinmont (Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers) as Pretty Skater, and the film was directed by Mark Griffiths (Hardbodies 2).

The Girls Of HardbodiesAs you can see from above, the film featured a lot of who’s who of actors from the horror genre like Kathleen Kinmont and Kane Hodder (he’s briefly in the film). It also featured a lot of the actors who kind of flew under the radar in the 80’s and 90’s being in cool movies and such. So, you’re probably wondering about what I thought about this film and the answer is simple. Unlike last week’s film which was just an excuse to show T&A with a horrible story and acting, this week’s film actually had a story, good acting, lots of T&A. There is enough T&A in this film to please anyone even Mr. Skin. The thing that got me was even though there were some cheesy sequences, there was some really good acting involved in this film and the story didn’t bore me to death. One of the other cool things about this film is the fact that they have 80’s all female rock band Vixen in the film as the band Hardbodies. I was looking through the cast on IMDB and saw the name Vixen on it and freaked. The soundtrack even features a few songs from the band on as well as Gerard McMahon (The Lost Boys). It was a fun film overall and I definitely recommend checking it out. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I would have to give the film an 2.5 because it wasn’t bad. Check it out on Youtube right now!!!

Savage StreetsFor today’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I’ve been foaming at the mouth to be able to get a chance to see some of Linda Blair’s 80’s films since I had a huge crush on Linda Blair (Chained Heat) at one point in my life after seeing some pics of her in the 80’s. I’ve been waiting a long time to see the film Savage Streets which is a typical 80’s style vigilante action film that stars Linda Blair as the beautiful, but tough chick named Brenda. Brenda is just as caring as she is tough after all she has to constantly look out for her deaf sister Heather (Linnea Quigley) who was almost hit by some idiots in a gang called The Scars. After pissing her off over this, Brenda and her friends decide to get some revenge on the guys by stealing their car and trashing it which royally pisses off their leader Jake (Robert Dryer). In retaliation, Jake and the gang rape Brenda’s sister Heather and they kill her pregnant friend Francine (Lisa Freeman) which sets off a chain of events causing Brenda to declare war and revenge on the gang. The film also stars John Vernon (Fraternity Vacation) as Underwood, Johnny Venocur (Lord Of Illusions) as Vince, Sal Landi (Bulletproof) as Fargo, Scott Mayer as Red, Debra Blee (The Beach Girls) as Rachel, Ina Romeo (Escape From LA) as Stella, Luisa Leschin (Rain Man) as Maria, Mitch Carter (American Beauty) as Greg, Kristi Somers (Rumble Fish) as Valerie, Rebecca Perle (Not Of This Earth) as Cindi Clark, and the film was directed by Danny Steinmann (Friday The 13TH Part V: A New Beginning).

Linda Blair Savage StreetsI truly feel that ever since Death Wish with Charles Bronson was released in the US in 1974, that a lot of filmmakers felt that they could make some money with the Vigilante Action genre especially in the 80’s. You have to also remember that Class Of 1984 was released in 1982 and that was an amazing film that made the same kind of impact as Blackboard Jungle in 1955 and so you can see why Savage Streets was made. On of the things I always notice when watching a film for Cheeseball Cinema is the acting because it’s either too cheesy or just good enough and this film has to land in between both of those. Linda Blair tried to play this tough, bad ass bitch that you don’t mess with in this film while when her deaf sister shows up, you instantly see her soft side. Her character made more sense at times if the film was based in New York some where in the five boroughs. Other than that, the acting was actually pretty decent and the cinematography wasn’t too shabby either. One thing is for sure and that there is plenty of T&A and a really long scene that features a lot of ladies in the showers so you’ll be sure to enjoy it, but again I was more concerned in seeing the beautiful Linda Blair. The film does of course feature the scream queen herself right before what I consider to be her best role in The Return Of The Living Dead in Linnea Quigley and her world famous graveyard scene, but she does an amazing job in this movie playing the deaf and mute Heather. You can find this film on Youtube if you really want to check it out for yourself. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film a 2.4 for a final grade.

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