Posts Tagged ‘Not Of This Earth’

critters-2-movie-titleOne thing that I have always been guilty of is my love for horror films that may be cheesy, campy, or just outright an insane idea. Some of my favorite films have been films like Ghoulies because the idea and the execution of the film is always the more interesting aspect. In 1986, Critters was released about these alien creatures that come down to Earth and they wreak havoc by trying to eat everyone. These alien bounty hunters show up and they help save the day while also taking the town drunk Charlie (Don Opper) with them. Now in Critters 2: The Main Course, it has been two years since the events of the first film and Brad Brown (Scott Grimes) is not exactly welcome in Grover’s Bend. They call him the boy who cried Critters, but all of that is put to the test when some undiscovered Critter egg’s hatch and decide to wreak more havoc. The film also stars Tom Hodges (Going Overboard) as Wesley, Douglas Rowe (Appointment With Fear) as Quigley, Liane Curtis (Benny & Joon) as Megan, Lin Shaye (Insidious) as Sal, Barry Corbin (Flight 90: Disaster on the Potomac) as Harv, Eddie Deezen (WarGames) as Hungry Heifer Manager, Roxanne Kernohan (Not Of This Earth) as Lee, Sam Anderson (Justified) as Mr. Morgan, Frank Birney (Knots Landing) as Reverend, Terrence Mann (One Life To Live) as Ug, and the film was written and directed by Mick Garris (Psycho IV).

critters21_758_426_81_s_c1For the sequel, they definitely decided to go with more comedic moments to go with the horror as it sort of has that creature feature feel to it. There’s the moments when Charlie is trying to convince Lee to stay as the attractive and busty Roxanne Kernohan or the moment when they shoot one of the critters and it basically takes all of his hair off instead. There is also all the wisecracks towards meat eaters because that is what is wrong with the town in the first place and why Nana (Herta Ware) only serves fruit and vegetables to the kids at the daycare. Other than that, this is kind of an enjoyable film to watch because it’s fun to poke fun at all the cheap special effects like when there are two Charlie’s and you can tell that one is green screen/CGI with the glow around the outline of his body. That is what makes these movies fun to watch because you know exactly what you are getting yourself into when you watch them. The only question that I have is how does all the town not believe him about the critters and why did they not question Charlie and where he has been for two years? They just say that they won’t trust the town drunk, but he hasn’t been around for two years so it must be someone else by then. Nonetheless, the movie is fun and it moves quickly so check it out for yourselves. I am going to give the film an B- for a final grade.

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IMG_3463We decided to be generous today and we are giving you a double shot of Ass Whoopin Wednesdays. For today’s Ass Whoopin Wednesday film, I wanted to explore one bad ass film from a member of The Expendables 3 crew that I hadn’t reviewed a film for yet. Wesley Snipes (Passenger 57) has made a lot of bad ass films in his day, but for today’s film we are watching his vampire classic loosely based on the Marvel Comic Blade. In Blade, Wesley Snipes plays the legendary day walker known as Blade who has made it his life goal to track down and kill Vampires with the help of his handler The Whistler (Kris Kristofferson). One night while on a routine mission, a vampire known as Quinn (Donal Logue) bites a doctor (N’Bushe Wright) who looks a lot like Blade’s mother, so Bade decides to help her out. The only thing is that she leads him to a greater cause and that is to kill a vampire named Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff), who is hell bent on shaking up the order of the Vampires for his own personal greed. The film also stars Udo Kier (Flesh For Frankenstein) as Dragonetti, Arly Jover (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) as Mercury, Traci Lords (Not Of This Earth) as Racquel, Sanaa Lathan (Out Of Time) as Vanessa, Eric Edwards (Candyman) as Pearl, Tim Guinee (Iron Man) as Curtis Webb, Kevin Patrick Walls (Scream) as Krieger, Shannon Lee (High Voltage) as a resident, and the film was directed by Stephen Norrington (The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen). Before we get into the review of the film, let’s check out some stats.

Blade Stats

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_3464This is definitely one of my favorite films of the 90’s because it was a unique film and a very different take on the Vampire genre then what we were used to at the time. Plus Wesley Snipes plays one heck of a vampire wrecking machine bad ass. As far as the stats are concerned for the film, Wesley wracks up a whopping 94 knockout/kills in this film even though the number could be a little bit higher (Those were all I could confirm). As far as an origin story is concerned, it is shown to you in the beginning, but it’s not explained until later on when Whistler explains it to the doctor and gives her the complete story. As far as I can tell in this film, he doesn’t have a love interest even though she helps him out later on. As far as a friend, love interest, or a family member being hurt, his mother is bitten by a vampire when she is pregnant with him and Whistler is attacked in the film and that really pisses him off. The big boss is definitely defeated in this film and you’ll just have to see how it’s down for yourself. Coming soon, we are going to be doing something special every now and again when we take some of our subjects from Ass Whoopin Wednesdays that we have covered and we are pinning them up against each other. For example, when Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee fought in a film or Wesley Snipes going up against Sylvester Stallone. So, you’ll want to stay tuned for that when we bring it to you which is also why we decided to cover Wesley Snipes here.

Savage StreetsFor today’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I’ve been foaming at the mouth to be able to get a chance to see some of Linda Blair’s 80’s films since I had a huge crush on Linda Blair (Chained Heat) at one point in my life after seeing some pics of her in the 80’s. I’ve been waiting a long time to see the film Savage Streets which is a typical 80’s style vigilante action film that stars Linda Blair as the beautiful, but tough chick named Brenda. Brenda is just as caring as she is tough after all she has to constantly look out for her deaf sister Heather (Linnea Quigley) who was almost hit by some idiots in a gang called The Scars. After pissing her off over this, Brenda and her friends decide to get some revenge on the guys by stealing their car and trashing it which royally pisses off their leader Jake (Robert Dryer). In retaliation, Jake and the gang rape Brenda’s sister Heather and they kill her pregnant friend Francine (Lisa Freeman) which sets off a chain of events causing Brenda to declare war and revenge on the gang. The film also stars John Vernon (Fraternity Vacation) as Underwood, Johnny Venocur (Lord Of Illusions) as Vince, Sal Landi (Bulletproof) as Fargo, Scott Mayer as Red, Debra Blee (The Beach Girls) as Rachel, Ina Romeo (Escape From LA) as Stella, Luisa Leschin (Rain Man) as Maria, Mitch Carter (American Beauty) as Greg, Kristi Somers (Rumble Fish) as Valerie, Rebecca Perle (Not Of This Earth) as Cindi Clark, and the film was directed by Danny Steinmann (Friday The 13TH Part V: A New Beginning).

Linda Blair Savage StreetsI truly feel that ever since Death Wish with Charles Bronson was released in the US in 1974, that a lot of filmmakers felt that they could make some money with the Vigilante Action genre especially in the 80’s. You have to also remember that Class Of 1984 was released in 1982 and that was an amazing film that made the same kind of impact as Blackboard Jungle in 1955 and so you can see why Savage Streets was made. On of the things I always notice when watching a film for Cheeseball Cinema is the acting because it’s either too cheesy or just good enough and this film has to land in between both of those. Linda Blair tried to play this tough, bad ass bitch that you don’t mess with in this film while when her deaf sister shows up, you instantly see her soft side. Her character made more sense at times if the film was based in New York some where in the five boroughs. Other than that, the acting was actually pretty decent and the cinematography wasn’t too shabby either. One thing is for sure and that there is plenty of T&A and a really long scene that features a lot of ladies in the showers so you’ll be sure to enjoy it, but again I was more concerned in seeing the beautiful Linda Blair. The film does of course feature the scream queen herself right before what I consider to be her best role in The Return Of The Living Dead in Linnea Quigley and her world famous graveyard scene, but she does an amazing job in this movie playing the deaf and mute Heather. You can find this film on Youtube if you really want to check it out for yourself. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film a 2.4 for a final grade.

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revenge of the ninjaFor this week’s Ass Whoopin Wednesday film, we are moving away and taking a break from The Expendables legacy and we are moving back into the world of Ninjas and martial arts. The film is Revenge Of The Ninja and it’s the 1983 sequel to the film Enter The Ninja and it once again stars the great Shô Kosugi as the fearless Cho Osaki. While in Japan, things go terribly wrong for Cho is being asked to move to America by his friend Braden (Arthur Roberts) to start a new life and escape the ninjas. The decision is made simple for him when he discovers that his whole family except his youngest son and his mother were not harmed by a clan of ninjas. So with his son Kane, he moves his family to America and he swears off the Ninja lifestyle. He also opens an art gallery that he doesn’t know is transporting heroin in the dolls he displays in the gallery. When he discovers that he has been betrayed by his friend and his assistant, he embarks on an epic battle that he has never confronted before. The film also stars Keith Vitali (American Kickboxer 1) as Dave, Virgil Frye (S.F.W.) as Lt. Dire, Mario Gallo (Raging Bull) as Chifano, Ashley Ferrare (Cyclone) as Cathy, Kane Kosugi (Ninja: Shadow Of A Tear) as Kane, Professor Toru Tanaka (The Running Man) as Sumo Servant, Don Shanks (Dumb And Dumber) as Chief, and the film was directed by Sam Firstenberg (American Ninja). Now, let’s check out some of the stats before we get into the review of the film.

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rotnI remember seeing this movie not too long ago and thinking it was pretty bad ass, but it’s also got some elements of cheese in their too. One of the scenes when a guy gets killed, the blood literally sprays out of the guy reminding me of the flesh wound guy from Monty Python. Otherwise, the martial arts scenes are where it’s at in this film. Shô Kosugi is a complete bad ass in the film that just can’t be messed with. He has a total of 25 kills/knockouts in the film, but even though that number is small, there are other characters with multiple kills as well. As far as an origin story for this film, check out the first film as this is the sequel. He has no love interest in the film after his wife was killed even though Cathy tries to put the moves on him hardcore. One of his friends is hurt during the big battle scenes, his son is kidnapped, and his mother is killed ninja style so it’s easy to see why there is yes near that category. The big boss is definitely defeated in what can be called a match of epic proportions. Ninja movies is where it was at in the late 70’s and in the 80’s which is evident in all the ninja films that came out during that time and these films always made me want to become one. If you love ninja and martial arts films, then definitely check this one out. I am going to give this film three and the half fists out of five for a final grade.

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Thank God that this film was  only 75 minutes in length because I don’t know how much of this softcore porn/horror b movie I could take. I decided to watch Cheerleader Massacre which is about a group of cheerleaders, their coach, driver (which is Not Of This Earth’s Lenny Juliano), and a couple of kids are going on some trip when they get stranded in the mountains when a psycho killer who escaped from prison is on the loose. When he and what seems like a partner are killing people left and right, the group has to fend for themselves while we are treated to some eroticism. The movie stars the very sexy Tamie Sheffield (Intolerable Cruelty) as Ms Hendricks, Charity Rahmer (Death Interrupted) as Parker, Erin Byron (One Of Them) as Angela, April Flowers (A Man Apart) as Tammy, Nikki Fritz (Go) as Debbie, Summer Williams (The Shark Net) as Shelly, and the film was directed by Jim Wynorski (Not Of This Earth).

Tamie Sheffield CollageI was real surprised to see Jim Wynorski’s name attached to this film because he has made some of my favorite horror films in Chopping Mall and Not Of This Earth. Nevertheless, the film is what every late night b-horror movie fan would want with plenty of nudity to get someone at a sperm bank excited. My only problem with it is the actors they chose for the film because none of them clearly look like they could be in high school which was bothersome because I wasn’t old enough to get tattoos, but then again it’s a b-horror flick. The killing scenes are kind of lame with one girl supposedly falling off a wood bridge and when the camera pans on her there is no blood on the rocks. I’ll just have to wait and see of Cheerleader Massacre 2 makes up for that when I get the chance to watch that later on. For now, this one is definitely one to avoid unless you like seeing some incredible women naked and a great bathtub, chocolate syrup, three girls lesbian scene. On a scale of 1 being close to an A-List Hollywood film and 5 being the cheesiest film of all time this one gets a four for a final grade.

not of thisRoger Corman is considered a master of b-horror as well as many other types of films because the man has produced over 400 films in his lifetime including this 1988 remake of the 1957 that was directed by Corman. This version was directed by Jim Wynorski and it stars the very sexy Traci Lords as Nadine Story, a nurse that has been asked to give a strange man blood transfusions at his house. Mr. Johnson (Arthur Roberts) is an alien from another planet that has come here to steal blood from humans like a vampire. With his special mental powers, Johnson is able to convince Dr. Rochelle (Ace Mask) to allow him to have these transfusions without any questions asked. Johnson’s planet is slowly dying and they need a new supply of blood and Earth is the new place to get it. The film also stars Kelli Maroney (Fast Times At Ridgemont High), Roxanne Kernohan (Critters 2),  Lenny Juliano (Commando), and Roger Lodge (Why Did I Get Married Too).

TracilordsThe film is so campy that it’s not even funny and some of the acting is just so cheesy. If you like movies with plenty of nudity, then this is surely the film for you because not only do you get to see Traci Lords naked (A couple of times), but much more. The scene with the hookers was kind of funny until he takes his sunglasses off and sucks the soul right out of your body. The beginning intro with the opening credits was real cheesy as they show you footage from other movies with aliens whose mouths look like vagina’s, etc. It’s not a very long movie and Traci Lords definitely adds a comedic twist to the film as she was clearly the MVP of the film. On a scale of 1 being close to an A-List film and 5 being the cheesiest film of all time, I am giving this film a 4. Remember that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad grade because the film was fun to watch.

Mr. Johnson Needs Your Soul

Mr. Johnson Needs Your Soul

 

 

 

 

 

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aa2I saw a review that described this Roger Corman film as The Creature From The Black Lagoon with sex and I have to say that his description is pretty accurate. Roger Corman has produced and been attached to over 400 titles in his career and there have been some cult classics, some decent films, and a lot of cheeseball films. It’s enough to induct him into the Cheeseball Cinema Hall Of Fame. The story is about a seaside community that relies on their fishing business to keep the town afloat. This little town is getting something they never bargained for when mutant monster fish attack the town trying to have sex with it’s female population. The film stars Vic Morrow (The Bad News Bears), Doug McClure (Shenandoah), Ann Turkel (Deja Vu), Denise Galik (California Suite), Linda Shayne (Not Of This Earth), Lynn Theel (Without Warning), Hoke Howell (Far And Away), Lisa Glaser (Stripped To Kill II), and Anthony Pena (Running Man).

bbcThis film is much like the Creature film where you start off not seeing the mutant fish until almost the end of the film. You only see his hands or feet until the fish decides to rape the women from this town. The only acting that I thought was cheesy came from one of the lab workers, other than that everyone did a terrific job. The film has everything that a b-list or Corman fan could want, sex, death, and violence. The corniest scene is with Lisa Glaser and her boyfriend in a tent on the shore. She won’t take her clothes off until he plays with the ventriloquist dummy doll. At that point, you know they are about to be goners and it was a shame because Glaser had some amazing assets. The kill scenes are pretty decent and the story flows pretty nicely. So on a scale from 1 to 5 with 1 being close to an an A-List Hollywood movie and 5 being the cheesiest film of all time, I give the film a 2.5

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Courtesy of wikipedia