Cheeseball Cinema: Monster Brawl

When I first read that it was a wrestling style movie that dealt with monsters, I was immediately hooked and believe me I wasn’t expecting much out of this film. I do however love the style that the movie was filmed in. They made it look like you were watching an actual Pay Per View event. Dave Foley and Art Hindle are your color commentators through out the whole movie with WWE legend Jimmy “The Mouth Of The South” Hart as the ring announcer. WWE Legend Kevin Nash plays Zombie Man’s (Rico Montana) manager with Robert Maillet (300, Sherlock Holmes) as Frankenstein, Jason David Brown as both Swamp Gut and Cyclops, RJ Skinner playing both The Mummy and The Werewolf, Holly Letkerman as the Witch Bitch, and Kelly Couture as Lady Vampire.

The system is very simple and they have two weight classes and two separate conferences. It’s the creatures versus the Undead with both a middleweight and heavyweight division. The cool thing about it is in between the matches, they sort of show you how the monsters became who they were, sort of like a promo for a big fight. UFC ref Herb Dean stars in the film as well as a ref even though it’s a fight to the death style fights. Lance Henriksen (Pumpkinhead) apparently plays the voice of God and its sort of like a video game. Everytime one of them does a speciality move, he announces it.

The action in this film is actually pretty decent. The guys looked as if they were trained in professional wrestling, well Maillet was once in the WWE, so that explains that. Some of the characters and situations were a little cheesy and I wish they had done more with Lady Vampire. They did have some conflict in between the matches as the zombies were coming out of the graves, one of the announcers was bitten, etc. I think Kevin Nash did a pretty decent job in this film and I think the writer deserves a lot of credit. In my opinion, this was a brilliant way to change how a script is written. On a scale from 1 to 5 with 1 being close to an a Hollywood A-list movie and 5 being the cheesiest film of all time, I give it a 3.5

Cheeseball Cinema: Tucker And Dale Vs Evil

So, there is exactly 36 days left until my favorite day, Halloween is here. So, today I am going to talk about the film Tucker & Dale Vs Evil and it was actually a really funny movie. The movie tells the tale of misconception in a very drastic manner. Tucker & Dale are a couple of good ol southern boys looking to fix up a vacation home they acquired in the deep woods. Now, there are a bunch of college kids travelling to the deep woods to do wild and crazy things. When they cross paths with Tucker & Dale, the students think that their psycho hill-billies trying to kill them. So, the college kids decide to attack them after Aly (Katrina Bowden) falls into the river and Tucker & Dale go away with her to take care of her after she hit her head in the lake. Her friends believe that she was kidnapped. The rest of the film is an adventure and it’s an hilarious one. The movie stars Tyler Labine (Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes) as Dale, Alan Tudyk (Dodgeball) as Tucker, the Tom Cruise wannabe Jesse Moss (Final Destination 3) as Chad, and Chelan Simmons (Final Destination 3) as Chloe.

This movie is just freakin hilarious.  Labine and Tudyk are the perfect combo in this film and you can see it in their performance. The only bad acting in this film were from the non important characters that get killed off early in the film. The funny part about the killings is that they were not meant to go the way they were intended to go. One kid tries to spear one of them and ends up tripping and spearing himself. Another kid is running with a Swiss army pocket knife and ends up throwing himself into a wood chipper. You have to see it to believe it and the funniest thing is that Tucker and Dale are absolutely clueless as to what is going on as well. There is only one brief boob shot in this film and it’s in there just to confirm that it is one part horror. I really wish there was a sequel coming because I would love to see those two reprise their roles. On a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being an a-list film and 5 being the cheesiest film of all time I give it a 2.

Cheeseball Cinema: Piranha 3DD

Courtesy of wikipedia

37 days until Halloween and I have another horror film for you all to check out on another edition of Cheeseball Cinema. This week I watched the sequel to the sleeper hit, Piranha, and this one was perfect for Cheeseball Cinema mainly because it was a straight to DVD release. So, here we have Piranha 3DD and it stars Danielle Panabaker (Friday The 13TH) as Maddy, Matt Bush (Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2) as Barry, funny man David Koechner (Waiting) as the sleazy Chet, Katrina Bowden (Tucker & Dale Vs Evil) as the virgin Shelby, and cameos from Gary Busey, Christopher Lloyd, David Hasselhoff, Clu Gulager, Paul Scheer, and Ving Rhames to name a few. So, apparently, the town of Lake Victoria has since been vacated since the attack of the Piranha and the Piranha are now moving to a waterpark called The Big Wet. Chet goes behind his step-daughter Maddy’s back and makes one half of the water park a strip water park and the other half for everyone else. The only problem is that the fish are going wherever they smell sulfur. After some early attacks, Maddy is trying to convince chet to close the water park before the Piranha come on opening day.

Courtesy of http://www.horror-movies.ca/tag/piranha-3dd/

So, let’s talk about the other interesting stuff that happens in the film, you know the stuff I like to talk about. First of all, Gary Busey makes a small cameo appearance with horror veteran Clu Gulager in a scene when they trying to retrieve a cow out of the lake. The cow starts to fart as they prod it and Busey has the bright idea of lighting a match. The cow explodes and the piranhas come to feast on the two of them. We see a boat load of breasts in this movie from the beginning to the very end. I think the director made it a point that we don’t have enough breast shots, give us more. One scene that I loved was a culmination of scenes that lead to me cringing. So, Shelby is a virgin who wants to lose her virginity. She invites a boy named Josh to go skinny dipping in the lake (I know bad idea). She thinks that Josh is trying to insert his you know what into her, but it is really a piranha going up her vagina. So, the whole time your wondering if he indeed did go up or not? So, finally she’s alone when Josh comes in and asks her if she’s OK. She tells him that she doesn’t feel well and that she wants him to plow her then and there because she doesn’t want to die a virgin. I’m not going to tell you what happens next, you’ll figure it out. David Hasselhoff in my opinion was brilliant in this film and he definitely has his moments in the film. Ving Rhames comes back and he shines alongside Paul Scheer as Scheer is trying to help him overcome his fear of the water. There is one scene in the film that I wish I could tell who it is, but I don’t want to give too much away. So, I’ll say this, one character gets his head chopped off and a girl with really big breasts catches it and the head motorboats the girl. On a scale of 1 being an a-list film and 5 being the cheesiest film of all time, I give the movie a 3.