We decided for this week’s edition of Ass Whoopin Wednesdays film that we would go down a different avenue of sorts then we usually do. Very rarely on Ass Whoopin Wednesdays do we cover anything that is horror or even comedy related, but I always felt that the film I chose for today was a bad ass action horror comedy in my humble opinion. The film that I am talking about is 1992’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer which is not to be confused with the corny 90’s TV series that followed with Sarah Michelle Gellar. The film stars the very beautiful Kristy Swanson (The Chase) as our title character Buffy, a normal popular teenager who seems to have it all from friends to the high school hunk boyfriend until she finds our from a man named Merrick (Donald Sutherland) that she is the decendant in a long line of Vampire slayers that seems to have failed in eliminating the main vampire. Well the vampires have invaded her town and it’s up to her to save them all before it’s too late. The film also stars the late Luke Perry (Beverly Hills 90210) as Pike, Paul Reubens (Pee Wees Playhouse) as Amilyn, the late and great Rutger Hauer (Hobo With A Shotgun) as Lothos, Hilary Swank (The Next Karate Kid) as Kimberly, David Arquette (Scream) as Benny, Sasha Jenson (Dazed And Confused) as Grueller, Stephen Root (Office Space) as Gary Murray, Thomas Jane (The Punisher) as Zeph, and the film was written by Joss Whedon (The Avengers) and directed by Fran Rubel Kuzui (Tokyo Pop). Before we get into the review, let’s check out some stats:
Now we all know that Kristy Swanson wasn’t the first bad ass female hero in a film cause that could go to Sigourney Weaver for her role in Alien, but Kristy does a pretty good job in a time when men still dominated action features. In the film Buffy has eight confirmed kills of vampires. I was going to write 12 for that, but technically she didn’t stop the other four vampires, she just hit them and ran away from the dance. She doesn’t really have too much of an origin story other than the fact that she comes from a long line of slayers which is why I wrote no for that answer. She has a love interest in the beginning of the film and she ends up falling in love with Pike. The one person that does get hurt that she cares about is Merrick who died trying to save her from the grasp of Lothos powers and she does get the job done in defeating the head vampire. This film has a whose who of stars of the 90’s and some stars who have been able to carry on well into the 21st century and I am not sure if this film was Paul Reubens first film post theater incident or not, but he was great. For the most part, everyone does a terrific job in the film, but the key is Buffy’s growth and sudden awakening that she has. In the beginning, she’s too wrapped up in a bubble of self worth and childish things that we think are important in life, but they really do not matter. Thanks to Merrick, we see this change in her when she starts to realize what does really matter in life and that is what drives our hero all the way to the end. It was great to see the late Rutger Hauer express a different side of him in this film where he gets to live up the vampire mythos to the max and what more could you want? This is a fun piece of early 90’s nostalgia that should be enjoyed for face value and realize that the film is fun. I am going to give this one four skulls out of five for a final grade.
If you are wondering then the answer is yes we are doing back to back nights with the muscles from Brussels as we check out another film this time for Ass Whoopin Wednesdays. The film that I chose for today is 2004’s Wake Of Death which was directed by Philippe Martinez (The Intergalactic Adventures of Max Cloud) and it stars Jean Claude Van Damme (Double Impact) as storied club enforcer Ben Archer who has just decided that he is going to hang up the boots and retire from that business. Unfortunately for Ben, his wife works for immigration services and after finding a ship full of refugee Chinese people, she is murdered at home for taking care of a girl who belongs to a drug kingpin. With his wife dead and his son kidnapped, Ben has no other choice, but to seek revenge against those who wronged him and get his son back. The film also stars Lisa King (The Wonderful World Of Disney) as Cynthia Archer, Simon Yam (Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life) as Sun Quan, Philip Tan (Kung Pow: Enter The Fist) as Han, Valerie Tian (Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief) as Kim, Tony Schiena (The Merchant Of Venice) as Tony, Anthony Fridjhon (District 9) as Max, Tom Wu (The Gentlemen) as Andy Wang, and Danny Keogh (Invictus) as Hoggins. Before we get into the review of the film, let’s check out some stats:
In the film, Jean Claude records about 28 kills/knock outs (+/-1) and we do not know much about his origin story other than he is married and was a club enforcer which is why I answered no to that question. He is married which checks yes to the love interest and she is killed and his son is kidnapped which answers an emphatic yes to the next question. Is the big boss defeated? The answer to that one is yes, but I like what he did in this film cause it’s very different then we would normally see in an action film. The action sequences in this film are actually pretty exciting stuff from the scene in the whore house to the showdown on the boat and even the car chase scene is good. I wished the ending of the motorcycle chase scene was more fulfilling then it was, but it was still good stuff. I was expecting a lot more out of some of the characters in this film, but Phillip Tan and Simon Yam did not disappoint at all in this film as they brought their a games to the film. They obviously didn’t have a lot of money to do this film because some of the slow motion sequences were a little meh, but the cinematography and editing were pretty good. I would definitely say that this is an underrated Van Damme film because he is his charismatic self in the film. Which is why I have decided that for a final grade, I am going to give Wake Of Death an B- for a final grade.
We are rolling right along with Ass Whoopin Wednesdays and this week we turn to Netflix to help us with some action packed cinema. For weeks and weeks people have been telling me that I had to check out the new film that was adapted by Joe Russo (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) in 2020’s Extraction (based on the book Ciudad by Ande Parks) which was directed by Sam Hargrave in his feature length debut. Chris Hemsworth (Thor/Jay and Silent Bob Reboot) stars as Mercenary for hire Tyler Rake who has been hired to go in to Bangladesh to rescue a Mumbai drug lord’s son from a rival drug lord. The only problem is that when he successfully grabs the kid, all plans go haywire and now he has to try and navigate through a foreign country that was just placed on lockdown. The film also stars Rudhraksh Jaiswal (The Tenet) as Ovi, Pankaj Tripathi (Gangs of Wasseypur) as Ovi Sr., Randeep Hooda (Once Upon A Time In Mumbai) as Saju, Golshifteh Farahani (Body Of Lies) as Nik Khan, Priyanshu Painyuli (Bhavesh Joshi Superhero) as Amir Asif, David Harbour (Brokeback Mountain) as Gaspar, Suraj Rikame in his debut feature as Farhad, Rob Collins (The Wrong Girl) as Rata, and Adam Bessa (Of Sound Mind) as Yaz Kahn. Before we get into the review of the film, let’s check out some stats:
Alright, we know that Chris Hemsworth is a total bad ass as Thor in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but how did he do as a mercenary? Well he has about 64 kills/knockouts in this film (give or take) and he doesn’t really have an origin story other than he’s a drunk with nothing to lose and no family. We only find out that his kid died of cancer and his wife left him. Obviously since his wife left him, I think it’s easy to say that he has no love interest and no one really close to him was hurt at all. The big boss is defeated, but you’ll have to see how it is done for yourself if you want to know how it happens. This was an amazing film that is action packed from beginning all the way to the end and it should be no surprise with Russo adapting the film and Hemsworth producing it. The cinematography and the editing teams deserve some really credit for how amazing this film turned out because they did such an amazing job with it. The action scenes are exciting and they’ll keep you on the edge of your seat with all the explosions, kicks, broken bones, and more. Hemsworth is absolutely captivating as the mercenary who at first is just doing a job until he realizes that he is just a kid who hasn’t had a real chance because of the entire BS in his life so he makes it a personal mission. I do have to say that Randeep Hooa was also a bad ass in this film as a former Special Forces guy who used to protect the kid and also wants to bring him back. I wish I took down his stats, but I didn’t. Anyways, this was an awesome film that you need to check out as I give it five fists out of five for a final grade.
It has been a while since the last time I did an actual Ass Whoopin Wednesday post and I was feeling a little bit inspired to do one. The film that I chose for today had been sitting on my Netflix queue for quite some time so I thought I would check it out and the film is 1991’s The Last Boy Scout. The film was directed by Tony Scott (Top Gun) and written by Shane Black (Iron Man 3) and it stars Bruce Willis (Die Hard) as disgraced former secret service agent turned private investigator Joe Hallenbeck. Joe is your prototypical PI in that he’s a slob who could use a shave and his home life is complete crap. One day that is all put to the test when Joe accepts a job to protect a stripper, but the only problem is that she is shot dead on his watch as well as anyone that gets involved in the case. Alongside her boyfriend, disgraced former football player Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans) and together they’ll do what it takes to solve the case. The film also stars Danielle Harris (Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers) as Darian, Chelsea Field (Masters Of The Universe) as Sarah, Noble Willingham (The Howling) as Sheldon Marcone, Taylor Negron (Better Off Dead…) as Milo, Halle Berry (Gothika) as Cory, and Kim Coates (Sons Of Anarchy) as Chet. Before we get into the review of the film, let’s check out some stats:
Now I did stats for the both of them technically cause they do try to solve this together, but Bruce has the better stats so we will start with him. Bruce has 18 1/2 Kills/Knock Outs in the film and the half is because the cops finish off one of his opponents. The only part of his origin story that we know is about his disgraced past and the same bodes true for Damon Wayans character too. He is married so check yes under love interest and his daughter is kidnapped at one point. I wrote yes for both of them for the big boss getting defeated because he gets his in the end. Now Damon Wayans character only has 2 1/2 kills in the film and that is because one of his gets completed by Bruce. He does have a love interest and she gets killed in the first part of the film. Now that we have gone over that, it’s time to get down to business and I’ll start by saying that the film was enjoyable to watch. It had a decent team behind it that were the whose who of Hollywood even to this day. This film came out in the height of the action star before it slowly started to slow down in the mid-90’s and I am thankful because the film gave us Kim Coates which I am thankful for. There are moments in the film where obviously Wayans was brought in to the be the comedic relief, but I honestly liked him in his least comedic moments. The film is full of action and Bruce is his typical bad ass self in this film. I am going to give the film an B+ for a final grade.
The 2019 edition of Rock and Shock begins today in Worcester, MA and to get ready for it we decided to view a film from one of the guests of the show in Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks). The 1980’s was a unique time and space for the horror genre as writers were getting more and more creative as they went. In 1986, writer and director Mike Marvin (Hamburger: The Motion Picture) would bring a unique idea to life when he presented to the world The Wraith. In The Wraith, a young man named Jamie is murdered by a gang of car pirates after he gets caught sleeping with a girl (Sherilyn Fenn) that the leader is obsessed with. You see in this Arizona desert town, this gang terrorizes the roads forcing people to race for their cars. So Jamie returns to Earth as a Wraith so that he can extract revenge against the ones who wronged him to right the wrongs. The film also stars Charlie Sheen (Men At Work) as Jake Keeler/The Wraith, Nick Cassavetes (Delta Force 3: The Killing Game) as Packard Walsh, Randy Quaid (Kingpin) as Sheriff Loomis, Matthew Barry (Ed Wood) as Billy Hankins, David Sherrill (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) as Skank, Jamie Bozian (Con Air) as Gutterboy, Clint Howard (Apollo 13) as Rughead, Griffin O’Neal (April Fools Day) as Oggie, and Chris Nash (Are You Afraid Of The Dark?) as Minty.
If you were to ask me how best to describe this film as far as what would be at the top of the poster, I would say that it was The Fast And The Furious meets The Crow. Jake comes back from the dead to avenge his death (The Crow) and he does it with a bad ass car as he races the others (The Fast And The Furious) until he kills them. The funny thing about it is that I wondered what came first, The Wraith Or The Crow? The answer was easy to find as The Crow was released as a comic book until 1989 and as a film until 1994. So, Mike Marvin may have started the idea and James O’Barr made it more bad ass and goth. It’s funny to me because I have asked so many people if they had ever heard of The Wraith and this seems to be a real undiscovered gem from the 80’s because the race scenes were well shot which is one thing I can say about it. One thing I will say is that Sherilyn Fenn looks absolutely amazing in this film and there is even a bit of T&A for all you hound dogs out there in this film. There are some things I would have fixed in the film like the scene where Jake gives Billy the car. He doesn’t say that he is his brother resurrected, but he reveals that to Sherilyn’s character moments later which was just odd to me. Other than that, it’s a decent popcorn flick that if you love great 80’s music to go with some fast 80’s cars and hairdos then check this one out for sure. I am going to give it an B- for a final grade.
It has been a very long time since we last did an Ass Whoopin Wednesdays and for this week, we wanted to check out a classic from the vast catalog of ass whoopin films from the former Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger so we chose his 1987 film The Running Man which believe it or not is an loose adaptation of the book written by Stephen King. it’s 2017 and the economy has crashed and the country was in utter turmoil (sounds familiar) and the government has stepped in and has taken control of everything. They control what you can watch, eat, and listen to and God forbid if you disobey an order which is what Ben Richards (Schwarzenegger) is about to learn when he is sent to prison for disobeying a direct order to kill innocent civilians. With the aide of a couple of guys, Richards manages to escape prison only to be caught again when his meal ticket to freedom Amber (Maria Conchita Alonso) turns him in. Now, he has to compete on a game show called The Running Man where he’ll literally fight for his life or it’s death. The film also stars Jim Brown (Mars Attacks!) as Fireball, Jesse Ventura (Predator) as Captain Freedom, Richard Dawson (Family Feud) as Killian, Yaphet Kotto (Alien) as Laughlin, Marvin J. McIntyre (Twins) as Weiss, Professor Toru Tanaka (Last Action Hero) as Sub Zero, Gus Rethwisch (Twins) as Buzzsaw, Mick Fleetwood as Mic, the late Erland van Lidth (Stir Crazy) as Dynamo, and the film was directed by Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky and Hutch). Before we get into the review of the film, let’s check out some stats:
It has been almost one year since the very last one of these Fight Night cards with the last one being from the original Kickboxer film. This week, we are focusing on a film that was just released on to Redbox that kind of flew under the radar as we present the film El Chicano. The film stars Raúl Castillo (Special Correspondents) as LAPD Detective Diego who has just landed himself on a very high profile Mexican gang shooting that left a lot of victims. You see Diego finds a connection that is going to connect to his past when he discovers that the gang he thought was affiliated to Shotgun (David Castañeda) was actually loyal to his dead twin brother. What does this all mean to Diego and what is the connection between the gang slaughter and his brothers death. He soon discovers that a mythical figure from his past may be his key to bringing justice to not only East Los Angeles, but also to his family. Now as we go into this match, we know that Diego is heading into the fight dressed up as El Chicano, but he’s been pretty banged up considering he has already taken out 30 fools. The same could be said for Shotgun who may have been wounded in the gun fight, but just seems to be a snake that seems to run away when things go down. Unfortunately for him, they are about to meet one on one in the train yard for an epic showdown.
Let us remind you that it is down pouring in this East LA, but Shotgun is ready and he is calling out El Chicano. He wants to throwdown with the Mexican Myth and El Chicano answers and calls out to him on top of one of the huge storage containers. Shotgun climbs up and the battle is about to begin as El Chicano patiently awaits him. They stare each other down as Shotgun keeps pumping himself up by thinking of his father who fell to a different El Chicano 20 years earlier, but right now he doesn’t know that this is a different El Chicano. Shotgun starts off the fight swinging with the metal pipe, but Diego is too good and is able to disarm him with some knees and kicks to the midsection. Diego is just too much for Shotgun as he blocks every attempt from shotgun and after so many punches and kicks sends Shotgun off the top of the storage container and to the ground which is at least a 10 foot or more fall. This was a smart move on Diego’s part because it’s able to buy him some valuable time so that he can regroup while Shotgun tries to recover from the fall.
Diego makes his way to the ground and he surprises Shotgun with a shoulder tackle that sends him back to the ground. That is when Diego unveils the Mayan knife and as he throws it into the ground, Shotgun spews some noise at him and they resume their fight. Diego is mostly winning this fight as he seems to be able to measure all of Shotguns offense. Shotgun does temporarily stun Diego that sends him a little a back and even gets a couple of good shot sin before Diego shut it down with some impressive Muay Thai moves as he beats Shotgun into what he believes to be submission. As he turns his back to go and gran the knife, that is when Shotgun pulls a gun out of his boot and he shoots Diego right in the back. Diego has no choice, but to hit the ground as he has been injured enough in the past week. It’s a surprise that he was even able to get to the fight in the first place. Shotgun begins to demand that El Chicano take the mask off of his face, but Diego makes his move and even though a shot was fired, he was able to subdue him enough to be able to stab him with the Mayan knife.
Diego begins talking to a stunned Shotgun who lays helpless on the ground and her reveals himself to be Diego and he tells Shotgun that he owed this to him for his twin brother Pedro and that is when he digs the knife deeper for the win. Diego collapses to the ground after all the punishment, but now he is worried that the cops are about to find out who El Chicano is as well, but he has nothing to worry about as you’ll see towards the end of the film. Diego is able to carry on the legacy that his brother Pedro was trying to do as in cleaning up and protecting their Barrio in East LA. The film overall was pretty good and you’ll see that some of the good action comes towards the last half of the film as he does some damage taking out 30 people (not including Shotgun). As I said before, the film is available to rent at Redbox and anywhere else you get your movies from so check it out. I am going to give the film an B- for a final grade.
I am always trying to find new and interesting comic books to read and sometimes it’s hard to find one outside of Marvel/DC/Image that retains my attention. Some time ago, when I was scouring through Comiclist.com looking for titles to read, I came across one that simply read Grumble #1 from Albatross Funny Books and so I clicked on it and have been following the comic ever since. That is why I present to you guys Grumble Volume One: You’re The Dog, Man! which was written by Rafer Roberts (Modern Fantasy) and illustrated by Mike Norton (Battlepug) in this world of demons, magic, and more. Tala is part demon, part human and she has been on the run from the Inter-dimensional forces since her mom was caught. The only logical thing she could think of was to look up her mom’s low life ex-partner named Eddie to try and help her out. There is just one problem with all of this, he has turned himself into a dog and everyone wants in the world of humans and magic want to kill him too. Together, they’ll be on the run as they set off a wild chain of events that will keep you glued to the pages, but there is just one question. What are Tala’s true intentions in all of this?
I honestly fell in love with this comic as soon as I began to read it. The story was well put together in my opinion as you go from the regular world one minute to a world full of magic and they even throw in intergalactic bounty hunters and more into the mix. What more could you want from the story? It has the main plot which is she needs help escaping these intergalactic bounty hunters in order to save her mom and it has a lot of subplots from what is the true relationship between herself and Eddie like is he her dad? As well as many other subplots that have certainly not disappointed me yet. The story has a perfect mix of action, adventure, sci-fi, and comedy all thrown in there that make it hard to compete against. I have also definitely enjoyed the artwork which has helped develop the universe that I’ve been talking about and what is better than a wise cracking walking, talking, dog that no one will help change back? Mike Norton does a terrific job with the comic’s artwork as he makes it easy to follow along with and his work is terrific. I ask you to at least give the first issue a shot because you never know, you may find yourself actually enjoying the comic.
There are films in this world that were tailor made for Cheeseball Cinema to the point that you just look at the title and you know. For example, various films from Troma Entertainment are Cheeseball Cinema worthy and anything that has the two words Killer Tomatoes attached to it, is as well. That is why for today I decided to check out the third film in the series entitled Killer Tomatoes Strike Back! and it was a VHS copy of the film. The film stars Rick Rockwell (Return Of The Killer Tomatoes!) as Detective Lance Boyle, who is having a very hard time believing that there is a such thing as killer tomatoes. That is until he is assigned to work with tomato scientist Kennedi Johnson (Crystal Carson) who uncovers an evil plot of the returning Professor Gangreen (John Astin) who is now assuming the role of talk show host Jeronahew as he attempts to brainwash the world. The film also stars J. Stephen Peace (Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes!) as Captain Wilbur Finletter, Steve Lundquist (Earth Girls Are Easy) as Igor, Cal Worthington (Into The Night) as himself, Debi Fares (Killer Tomatoes Eat France!) as Woman Victim, John Witherspoon (Friday) as Evan Rood, Frank Davis (Twins) as Sam Smith, and the film was written and directed by John De Bello (Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes!).
I think I was more excited about the fact that this was the very first film I have ever reviewed for Cheeseball Cinema that was watched on VHS. I found this film and the next one at my local thrift store and I couldn’t help myself as I had to own them both. Anytime, I am out in public, I am always thinking about you guys when I look at films and this was one film that fit the Cheeseball Cinema criteria well. For those of you that want nudity or T&A as I like to call it can forget that because there is a brief tease, but nothing else. The film definitely felt more like a spoof film of what was going on at the time with all the QVC like infomercials and the popularity of shows like Donahue and Geraldo in 1991. I also honestly believe that is what worked the most with this film is that they didn’t take themselves too seriously. They knew they had a ridiculous idea and they just had fun with it and that shows in the film. It is actually what made the film enjoyable with it’s Naked Gun like exaggerations of typical horror movie mythos. I definitely enjoyed the look of the tomatoes and the ridiculous Godfather tomato that wouldn’t talk for anything less than $100. The film was a lot of fun to watch and as ridiculous of an idea as it seems, it translated well in this one. I love the end credit post game locker room talk as well that we were provided with. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give the film an 2.9 for a final grade.
Moshpits And Movies 